This is where I'll begin

I wasn't sure if I wanted to start one of these, as they can be quite addicting. But I feel as if I should post a few things here and there so people can see it from my point.

Every time I see someone they ask me how I'm doing since my father passed away. Well I'll be completely honest, it's been crazy, hectic, stressful, sad, but I am here and I am still going. I may be different but I know this has helped me to grow up. I wish I still had my father here everyday, I did not know what it was like to miss until this. Nothing hurt worse than that feeling when I found out he had passed away.

I can replay it for you from the moment of the phone call to the funeral. I hate that I can do that, like just now I closed my eyes and it went right back into standing in the bathroom at Buffalo Wild Wings. I told Ang I needed to call my brother back because he has never called me multiple times like that before. I had no idea what he was about to tell me the words, Kristin dad passed away.... It was crazy how by the time I got off the phone with him I had 4 text messages from people telling me they were sorry. Half the town of Loudonville knew before I even got told.

I won't go into anymore because it wasn't good after that at all. The funeral was by far the hardest moment of my life. I remember Aubrey and I walking up to the casket after the funeral for our time to say goodbye. She reached out for my Dad, her Grandpa. The man who picked on her just like he used to pick on me. That moment in my life was my moment and our moment. I will never ever forget that feeling and I will always remind her of her Grandpa. it was this awful emptiness of never hearing his voice or seeing his face again. His rough hands that sat and told me not to be sad when I found out he was sick but to keep going and stay strong. He always tried to help me the best he could. Our relationship was built on the strength he kept to stay alive for my brother to get home from Iraq. And he did, he stayed alive, he stayed strong and he did his best to be himself. I had hope that everything would be okay once he started the chemo, but it only turned around to be the worst.

Everyone tells me to look at the positive, he's in a better place and not suffering. Yes, I agree, but that doesn't mean I won't cry so don't tell me not. This does not mean that I won't have bad days where I am a complete bitch because I wish my dad was around, so don't tell me not to be. I have my days they are good and bad and I think that it will always be this way.

Thank you to everyone who has walked me through this journey. You have dealt with my crying, my bitchiness, my mood swings, the laughter and the hardship. I couldn't ask for better friends or family. I love all of you and I know I can count on you as well as you can count on me.

miss you always daddy and love you always.
I'll always be your little princess

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8